-ms'GLEMARS - ferlinn

date : 14.11.09

2009-11-14T07:54:00.000-08:00

today i am damn fucking piss off.. by U.. and that's right is U.. KNN.. u tink i am a fucking child is it.. can lie to me again n again.. ccb.. u can just mainly say those very nice stuff to me after quarrel or all after all those SHIT.. u go Fuck ur ..... la.. u this bloody MF.. i really had enough le.. wat can be done to let u got nothing at all.. wat can let u feel that u are only alone and lose everytink.. y u always love to lie.. i realy hope every1 can jus treat u lik how u treat me.. DAMN.. i really wanna go crazy le.. FUCK U.. KNN.. CCB.. GO AND DIE LA..

the SADDEST day in my life..

2009-11-11T20:48:00.000-08:00

ytday 11.11.09.. it happen at ah gu house staircase.. i am so sad and shock that all this is happening to me.. i never thought that this will happen to me.. he actually wanna hit me.. and push me away in a very hard strength.. i'm really very heartbroken.. i really feel that i better give up now... as all of them say that if a guy will hit u means no matter he say how many time he will change, he won't change de.. i really feel so heart pain.. it's worst than dying.. i trying to force myself dun cry but it's seem so hard.. till now when i think back i will cry.. he will say all those tinks that hurt me so badly, i can know what place i stand inside his heart.. I REALLY FUCKING HATE MYSELF... why everyday so many ppl die, y can't just i die.. mayb after i die i won't feel anymore pain le..

2009-05-30T01:23:00.003-07:00

TUOXIE - by jolin.
English translation by lixss.

你总爱编织谎言我负责配合表演
You always love to make up lies,
but im responsible for acting along with you.

所有改变只为了进入你的世界
All the changes i made,
is just so i could enter your world.

这情节重复了一百遍
This scene has repeated so many times,

才发现是你的心太野
Only then i realised that your heart is too wild.

你划定楚河汉界我不能轻易犯规
You drew the border between us,
i must follow the rules.

所有时间都是先给了你优先权
All my time have been prioritised for you.

不自觉爱到不敢冒险
Unknowingly, I loved to the point where i didn't dare to take any risks,

成了你的傀儡一年两年
Being your puppet for so long,

才看见我有多狼狈
Then i finally realised how pathetic i've been.

爱到妥协到头来还是无解
A compromised love, still remains unresolved in the end.

绑着你不让你飞
Tied you up not letting you fly,

历史不断重演我好累
But history keep repeating, it's exhuasting.

爱到妥协也无法将故事再重写
A compromised love, yet the story could not be rewrittened.

你已下最后通牒
Once you made your ultimatum,

我躲在我的世界
I hid in my own world

你只是害怕一个人睡
You are just afraid of sleeping alone,

我不想再为你掉泪
I no longer want to cry for you again.

我了解不会变不再徘徊
I understand that you will never change,
I shouldn't ponder anymore

开始自己的明天
I'll start over again myself tomorrow..

2009-05-30T01:23:00.001-07:00

TUOXIE - by jolin.
English translation by lixss.

你总爱编织谎言我负责配合表演
You always love to make up lies,
but im responsible for acting along with you.
所有改变只为了进入你的世界
All the changes i made,
is just so i could enter your world.
这情节重复了一百遍
This scene has repeated so many times,
才发现是你的心太野
Only then i realised that your heart is too wild.

你划定楚河汉界我不能轻易犯规
You drew the border between us,
i must follow the rules.
所有时间都是先给了你优先权
All my time have been prioritised for you.
不自觉爱到不敢冒险
Unknowingly, I loved to the point where i didn't dare to take any risks,
成了你的傀儡一年两年
Being your puppet for so long,
才看见我有多狼狈
Then i finally realised how pathetic i've been.

爱到妥协到头来还是无解
A compromised love, still remains unresolved in the end.
绑着你不让你飞
Tied you up not letting you fly,
历史不断重演我好累
But history keep repeating, it's exhuasting.
爱到妥协也无法将故事再重写
A compromised love, yet the story could not be rewrittened.
你已下最后通牒
Once you made your ultimatum,
我躲在我的世界
I hid in my own world

你只是害怕一个人睡
You are just afraid of sleeping alone,
我不想再为你掉泪
I no longer want to cry for you again.
我了解不会变不再徘徊
I understand that you will never change,
I shouldn't ponder anymore
开始自己的明天
I'll start over again myself tomorrow..

2009-02-19T05:27:00.000-08:00

today is thurs.. haiz.. ytday dear go boat quay de white bar to celebrate ah lu bday.. he go there at 12.30am.. bt when he reach hm is around 6am in the morning.. i keep tinkin alot.. i dunno y i will tink so much.. is it bcoz i love him too much or there is other reason to it.. when he reach hm he throw temper at me.. mayb coz he drink too much or there's other reason.. i dunno y i jus can't feel any love frm him anymore.. i tink i was veri naive.. i thought dat if i continue treat him gd 1 day he will surely know it.. bt i dunno if i can wait till dat day.. haiz.. i feel dat our relationship is lik i keep on wantin to hold on to his hands tight bt he keep on wantin to let go.. why is it so.. in his eyes i'm jus a stupid person who is pretendin to b a gd person, a thief who will steal ppl moni n evertink i do is pretendin de.. i will nv get a place in his heart.. even when i tell him dat i was nt feelin well dan i wanna go see doc, he can jus reply u tell me for what, i'm nt a doc.. why must u hurt me again n again.. when i needed some1 by my side so much bt when i look around i only see dat i'm alone.. why is it so.. y is it always so unfair to me..

2009-01-22T00:42:00.000-08:00

today feelin veri sian.. haiz tis past few days dear keep on sayin wanna brin me go ba sa ba lam, bt in e end oso nv go.. ytday i play mj, i win $50+.. so heng.. hope my lucky will get better in the cumin yr.. i dunno y recently i bcumin veri easily gettin emotional.. i cry veri easily.. when i tink of the past and present.. it make me feel damn hurt.. y is heaven treatin me tis way.. wat hav i realy done dat make him wanna punish in tis way.. y all i hav done, i still haven get my repay?. why i need to always giv in to others bt nt they giv in to me.. why every1 is lyin to me.. why is every1 treatin me lik a fool.. why is dat i always need to see other ppl temper to cheer em up.. why is it so unfair to me.. new yr is cumin i dun feel happy at all.. i jus feel dat i'm al alone in tis world.. just by myself.. other dan me.. i feel others r all strangers.. even i do know em.. it jus feel as if i'm diff frm other.. i feel lik mayb i'm transparent.. no 1 can see me.. bt only i can see em.. dat's all i wanna say.. moody day..

2009-01-15T18:27:00.000-08:00

haiz.. chinese new yr is jus comin in 9days time.. haiz.. this few day i quarrelin wif dear over LV bag dat is meant to be my 2008 christmas present, our 3rd yr anniv present, my 22nd b'day present and valentine day present.. haiz.. dat bag cost at $1770.. actually i longing for a LV bag for a long time le.. and dear ask me wat i want for bday prsent dan i told him dat i 1 a LV bag.. dan he say ok, he will buy for me.. dan in between he lik nv buy n nv say abt tis tinks le.. and i was e 1 who is keep talkin abt it.. and he was so piss off and we keep quarrelin over tis.. haiz.. he can say till lik all is my fault.. pls lor is he who say he will buy for me.. dan i jus mention oso cannot.. why is he treatin me lik tis.. sometime i was wonderin am i dun worth jus a merly 1.7k.. and when u go drink or eat or buy tinks wif ur frens, sometime they dun even pay u e moni u oso nv say anytink.. althought those moni is merly a few hundreds dollar.. bt if tis always happen u can buy more dan 1 bag for me le.. for example.. the new yr for 2009 de.. around $600 u oso say is ok.. WTF.. i dun even worth more dan ur frens.. i am realy damn sad.. have u ever realy jus tink of my feelin for jus a sec.. and if tis is 4 present combain dat u only need to pay $442 for 1 present.. althought mayb it cost alot.. bt aft tis i wun ask for a more expensive present le.. bt u jus wun believe me... can't u jus trust me for a sec.. and u lik to push blame to me.. even it is nt my fault.. and u lik to scold mi.. u oso lik 2 find fault on me.. why u treatin me tis way.. hav u ever wonder hw my heart hurt.. watever i do is nt gonna be enough for u.. u wun ever feel gan dong de.. n watever i do u oso tink i dun deserve u to treat me gd back.. i am wondering.. is it bcoz u know no matter wat i wun leave u de.. so u jus treat me lik tis oso nth will happen de.. is it?. haiz.. don't he know my feelin for keep on lyin to me.. why is tinks always happenin tis way.. why is ppl keep on treatin me in a unfair way.. since bein a gd ppl is stupid y must i be a gd person.. FUCK MAN.. i realy had enough of all tis.. i goin to change myself into a FUCKIN BAD PERSON.. coz no 1 apperciate me for bein gd to em at all.. i dun wanna be a FOOL anymore..

2009-01-07T17:06:00.000-08:00

on my actual bday.. me and dear went to TM to eat tepanyaki.. aft dat we went to ah mah hse to celebrate my bday.. and dear bought KFC to ah mah hse to treat em.. aft dat we went to 511 to talk cock.. and lastly we go play mahjong wif ah bo n botak till morning.. aft playin mahjong we go to 511 to eat.. and aft eatin went back to dear hse to bath and prepare to go lion dance with dear.. today ah gong xing told dear do an investment and oso told him to pull ppl in to his lion dance group.. i was nt happy wif it.. coz i find e investment is veri high risk, i dun wish dat dear de hard earn moni will b cheated by others.. and i oso dun wish dat dear will create troubles for him ownself by pulling ppl to lion dance.. haiz.. bt he seems lik dun understand my tinkin at al.. i was wondering is there any way to let him feel my feelin n know wat m i tinkin.. sian.. anyway aft e lion dance we were to tired so we went home to slp.. slp till quite late ard 12am dan went to hong kong cafe with ah bo to have our dinner.. and i went back to ah mah hse to get the bedsheet dat i bought for dear de new bed de.. and ah bo was so gd, all the way sent me back to jurong from siglap.. i think coz of dear dan he send me home de la.. haha.. aft dat straight away went back to dear hse.. dat's all..

2009-01-07T16:53:00.000-08:00

this post is for my bday de.. when on the eve of my bday 05.01.2009 ( it's was oso my 3rd yrs annvi wif dear ) me and dear quarrel again.. and he said alots of tinks dat hurt me de.. he say we should't be together and bla bla bla.. and wat lead us into this quarrel is dat when i wake up, it was around 7pm le.. and i feel damn hungry.. suddenly i feel lik eatin tepanyaki dat is located at TM de.. dan i jio all the gers to go eat bt none of em is free.. so i jio ah boy to pei me go eat.. and i didn't ask dear coz when i call him and ask where is he dan he told me dat he is watchin IP MAN wif his dad n mom.. and he sound piss off.. i dunno y.. so i didn't wanna talk long on the phone.. and when aft e show he call me and ask do i wanna go 511 eat.. bt i was bathin halfway, so i told him i will call him back once i hav done my showerin.. and when i finish bathin his dad n mom has come hm le.. and they ask me if i wanna eat anot.. coz his dad is cookin.. dan i say no coz im goin out soon le.. and they tell me dear is at dwnstair, n he is cumin up soon.. so i nv call dear and i faster go change clothes and make up.. as i dun wanna waste anymore time le.. coz it is ard 8+ 9pm le.. scare dat the shop close le.. i thought of finishin preparin myself aft dat dan ask dear wanna go anot de.. bt i dunno coz of wat he is damn piss off.. and he start givin me attitude.. and sayin all sorts of hurtsful tinks too me.. i feel so sad.. coz of all days why can't he jus giv in to me for 1 day.. y mus he treat me lik tis on my bday eve.. anyway aft awhile we r back to ok le.. and he bring me to conrad hotel there de oscar resturant to have our dinner.. aft dat we went to kster to celebrate my bday.. and all the gers giv mi a total worth of $280 gift voucher for my bday present.. dat's all for the events..

2008-12-29T14:45:00.000-08:00

today is monday.. when i wake up during aftenoon, i ate a bowl of laksa ( dunno bought from who de ).. and i called winnie workplace clinc for an interview on tues 11am.. aft dat i wait for the person dat repair the bedroom door de to cum dear hse to do those doors.. aft they do finish le, i went out to look for dear at ah bo hse downstair.. and i heard frm dear dat ah xin grandpa jus pass away.. i was so shock as it is veri sudden.. dan me, dear, tat n ah bo go interchange to eat.. aft dat we went to ah xin grandpa ' songka' to chat and play mahjong.. and i win $48 frm tiger at mahjong session.. haha.. so happy.. coz i lose at 1st de.. bt luckily i win back.. aft dat we go eat at 527 dan went home le.. dat's all for today events..

2008-12-29T14:27:00.000-08:00

dear diary, this is the post for sun 28.12.08 de.. haiz ytday me and dear stay at home play mahjong wif ah tat n ah lu n ah boy.. coz too many ppl so we need to take turn to play.. and dear mon gt stuff to do.. and the tink is dat he nid to go malaysia to pray.. dan on sun which is the day dat he need to go pray de.. i heard dat dear's mum callin him to ans the phone call which is called by ah kai ( who is goin malaysia wif him too de ) dan i was too lazy to climb out frm bed, coz i was too tired.. so i tell dear's mum to tell ah kai dat i wil cal dear to call him back by using his hp.. and dan i actually fall aslp n forget abt tis.. and dear miss his trip goin to malaysia.. aft i wake up he actualy scolded me.. he say i propesly dun wanna call him n let him stay at my side so he can continue to slp and wun go malaysia.. i was FUCKING ANGRY.. coz i hate bein accusse by any1.. i didn' propersly do dat.. i tink i was too tired dan i wil forget.. bt he was DAMN PISS OFF dat y i nv call him instantly.. i was tinkin dat if dat is so important to him, y can't he wake up himself.. and the most sad tink he do is he go CRAZY again.. sayin all those DAMN HURTFUL tinks to me.. those tinks r lik THOUSANDS OF KNIFES cuttin my heart to mash.. n making me more worst is dat he say he is goin china on my actual b'day.. i was DAMN DEPRESS.. i was wondering y is god so evil seein dat i hurt till i wanna die le.. dan he can stil let me suffer lik tis.. and y dun he jus brin me away to another world.. and aft dear scolded me and went out aft a few hrs later he came back hm.. he suddenly treat me in a normal way back.. i dunno who talk sense to him, to make him bcum his normal self.. and he came back he straight away check did i hurt myself.. and i actually used a lighter to cut my hand.. i tink i was abit OUT OF MY MIND coz of HIM.. i can bcum veri EMOTIONAL bcuz of HIM.. i dunno y i bcum lik dat.. haiz.. anywan aft dat we went to pei ah boy go see doc coz he hurt his both legs while playin soccer.. and while we were waitin we go have dinner wif ah lu.. and later tiger join us.. aft dat we go dear hse play mahjong wif tiger n ah lu.. and later ah bo n botok cum up to dear hse to see us play.. and finally we have an early night dat night coz we only play 1 round.. dat's all for sat n sun events.. haha..

2008-12-22T14:16:00.000-08:00

dear diary, today me n dear quarrel again.. damn.. y is tis tinks keep repeatin.. i only hope to have a peacful relationship wif him, is dat veri hard.. haiz.. i dun understand y must he lik others.. y he wanna push me to dead end.. y he wanna make me so sad everyday.. y must he condem me.. i realy dun understand.. i hate dat feelin dat ppl accusse me.. and i oso hate ppl sayin me dat im wat kind of person n wat will i be in future.. FUCK.. i know wat im tinkin.. i know wat i will b.. so pls stop all tis SHIT, dat as if u all know me well.. DAMN.. no 1 know me at all.. did any1 try to understand my feelin.. can any1 put themselves into my shoes.. i only need a person to understand me, love me truly n care for me, is it realy DAMN HARD.. m i askin too much.. y all those tinks dat i hav done i still deserve tis kind of treatment n toture.. my head is burstin open.. my heart is almost being torn apart.. when i realy need some1 who is realy there for me.. who is there to hear my naggin, understand my feelin n care for me.. no 1.. bt when they nid me i wil b there.. is any1 treatin me fairly.. y dun god jus take me away frm here.. i realy suffer n hav enough.. coz in every1 eyes im jus A PILE OF SHIT.. they say my character sux, they tink dat im nt a gd person n im worst dan any1 out there.. so pls stop all tis.. i realy can't take it anymore.. jus let me die.. mayb i will feel much better n mayb they will too.. n mayb when i die they will tink of me for a second n mayb miss me.. coz ppl only know hw 2 treasure when they lost it..

2008-12-17T01:17:00.000-08:00

hey diary.. tis few weeks me & dear de relationship is lik a roller coaster, sometime up and sometime dwn making me wanna go crazy le.. haiz.. i hav been crying almost everyday during tis week.. and each cry de duration last about more dan 1 hrs.. i'm feeling so hurt by him.. coz he say he dun hav any feelin for me anymore le.. haiz.. wat should i do to gain back the love.. today 17.12.08, 7am, dear ask me will i ever let go of this relationship no matter wat happen.. i keep quiet for a moment n didn't ans him.. dan he say he noe my ans le.. dan i ask him wat's my ans n he really noe wat i'm tinkin.. and i ask him back wat abt u, and he reply dat he wun.. maybe dat's e most happy tinks dat happen to me for this past few weeks.. i hope dat ans he realy meant it.. anyway his b'day is tomoro, hoping i can giv him a memorable b'day celebration.. i will continue writin soon..

2008-12-09T04:58:00.000-08:00

dear diary.. on sunday while i was slpin halfway, i had damn bad dream.. haiz.. i dream of dear outside gt other ger.. and the ger look like me bt she is more slim dan me.. and i saw my ex bf de fren on my dream and he told me dat he saw my bf wif other ger outside.. feelin damn sad and thinkin alot.. althought it's jus a dream bt it seems so real.. wow veri scary lor.. anyway dear is back frm china on sunday 7.12.08.. and nw is 9.12.08 he didn't bother cum n find me.. wth.. y promise me when u know u can't do it.. u say dat u r nt free u need 2 do ur stuff, bt y can go play mahjong, watch soccer n bring ur frengo see doc.. u can do all tis tinks, bt jus dun hav spare time for me.. who m i 2 u.. wat place did i hold in ur heart.. i really doubt myself n u.. mayb i dun hav enough confident in myself.. i seems so lost.. FUCK MAN.. n actualy i today wanna go ah mah hse wif ah mei de.. bt she jus bloody lie 2 me.. and in e end she go into fish farm wif her sis n left me alone lik a bloody idiot.. and ah ying dun let me go inside her hse.. i feel lik y every1 wanna lie 2 me.. m i lik a stupid fool, who's veri easily believe u all tis FUCKER.. damn.. i veri disappointed in tis world n ppl who is around me.. only AH MAH is still the BEST.. who nv lie 2 me n nv do all those SHIT tinks to me de.. dat's all for today.. i'm tired le..

2008-11-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

today dear is coming back from aus.. i dunno y i dun feel happy at all.. but i feel uneasy.. i dunno how to explain my feeling,, i dunno wat to write le.. dat's all for today..

2008-11-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

Erm.. too long nv blog le.. feel so strange to suddenly blog again.. dear is coming back frm aus on tis month 15.. today feel damn low.. coz i realy dun understand myself anymore.. i feel so heart pain dat i lose $2.8k at betting.. i can tak dat sum of moni go to enjoy myself at japan.. i dun understand y can't i jus quit.. i must stop myself frm sinkin deeper.. when dear jus went oversea i feel so missed him.. bt nw he is cumin bk le.. i jus dunno y i seems lik dun miss him so much le.. haix.. wth has gt into me.. i nw only wanna find a stable jobs dan faster get my car license.. dat's al for today..

2008-07-13T22:41:00.000-07:00

Blog for sunday.. Haiz.. Today i whole day nv went out.. All e way at ah ying's hse waitin 4 e person frm couple lab de cum dwn 2 pass me my stuff.. E ring gt a little small problem while the pendent they nv help me polish.. Dan i can see alot of yellow stain.. WTF.. Their product is damn SUCKS.. So nv buy tinks frm there.. Dear today call me at 6plus when he reach s'pore.. Today nth special happen.. So that's all for today.. (*_*)

2008-07-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

Blog for 12.07.06.. Haiz.. Another borin day has cum.. Today xin yuan cum 2 ying hse 2 stay.. While ah ying is stil wrkin,xin yuan use my uncle drive me,yun hao,xiao bao n doggy go 2 jurong mac to eat n we mit ah boy at e mac.. Aft i hav finish mac,we send yun hao n ah boy back to ah boy father's de shop n we go back to fish farm.. Aft we reach fish farm we put doggy back 2 room dan awhile later,me,ying n xin yuan went out again.. Tis time we went 2 fetch ah b father dan we went to chinatown to find my aunt her daughters.. Sian.. They went down there to book tickets to taiwan at the price of $1313 for 9 days.. That price is for stayin at hotel dat is 4* or 5* n they r goin ard the whole taiwan.. Sian.. i didn't go coz abit ex.. Dunno should i go.. I hope dat dear can pei me go.. Bt he wun de la.. He say it's too ex.. Sometime i realy dun understand y he can spent more dan $1000 durin vietnam trip n he wun find it ex.. Dan when i call him pei me go taiwan he will giv lots of excuses.. Aiya.. FUckin sian lor.. i only wish dat when i go oversea he will b wif me.. coz we can get to see beautiful tinks n do tinks together.. bt he jus dun understand my tinkin.. mayb coz i nv say out.. Aft they hav finish bookin tickets we went to audio hse at geylang area.. Damn.. E tinks over there is nt realy dat cheap lor.. It's nt wat u saw at e paper.. lyer.. N the services is damn SUCK.. I tink there's only 1-3 gd service de.. All the other sales person lik talkin among emselves,which didn't giv a fuckin damn on u even u walk in.. Lik as if they confirm u wun buy de so no nid 2 waste time serve u.. Aft dat we left to bukit timah 2 eat satay bee hoon.. Wow.. Durin ard 10pm there is stil alot of ppl over there.. E cleaners there 'buai zhou gang'(dunno hw 2 wrk) de.. Coz they dun wanna keep away the used bowl dan i put it on e floor dan he nt happy cal mi to pick up e bowl.. Aft i pick up he still nag nag nag.. Aft finish eatin we send ah gu they al go hm dan me,b,ying n xin yuan go bugis de ktv.. before we go sing songs we go play com for awhile while waitin for room.. we sing till mornin 5.30am dan we leave.. The ktv there is damn nice n the price is ok wif lots of promotions.. That's all i wanna say for that day.. haha.. (&_&)

2008-07-12T02:52:00.000-07:00

Erm.. Me ytday nv write blog,coz too tired le.. So me writing it nw.. Btw ytday i went to CHANEL private sales that is held at orchard wheelock.. Wow.. Those stuffs down there is fucking CHEAP.. I mean compare to the original price la.. Bought alot of stuff.. Haha.. Dunno will i get the chance to use.. Anyway i go wif qui ling.. Aft we shop we went to eat at wisma de food court,dan me gui yi n qui ling go alck awhile dan go hm.. Wow sian.. Me alone take train from orchard to kranji.. Damn.. It's is freaking far lor.. And i nv chat with dear for many days le.. Bt i xi guan le.. Forget it.. That's all for those things that happen ytday.. (^_^)

2008-07-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

Today i feel so piss off.. Many things had happen.. Sian.. I hate my cousin's mum alot.. She is really a ' hai ren jing '.. Damn her lor.. Coz actually i ytday wanna go collect my stuff at cck de.. But if i wanna go out frm my cousin hse,there must be a person drive me out or else very hard to go out frm her hse,as her hse is in lim chu kang.. When i wanna go ytday she told me that my uncle is damn tired so go tomoro.. Although i was very unhappy coz when my cousin go ask my uncle can we go out,he say ok later dan go.. But i dunno why after my cousin's mum go talk to my uncle dan her's mum told me that my uncle is tired so she say tomoro dan go.. Dan i ' bo bian ' but to agree.. Dan today when i called my xiao shu to send me out dan he say ok.. Dan suddenly my cousin's father say that later we go out together wif him.. Aft awhile my cousin's mum say that my uncle is tired again.. Feeling so weird,why everytime she is with my uncle dan she will say this.. Dan no choice i call my xiao shu send mi out.. But my cousin's father call me go on fri,i insist that i wanna go today.. Dan he ask me why can't go tomoro.. Dan i told him actually i goin ytday bt due to my cousin's mum dan i decided to go today dan nw lik that again.. When i told my uncle that her wife say that we go today,dan suddenly my aunt cut in n say she nv say so.. What a gd lyer she is.. Coz 4 ppl hear wat she say dan she stil dare to lie.. Fuck her lor.. Bt in e end i stil sit my xiao shu car out.. 2nd tinks that make me piss off is the couple lab ppl.. Damn em lor.. When i saw my rings n pendent somethings realy make me piss off.. They nv do wat i told em that i 1 de.. My pendent date is being engrave wrongly n i 1 lasering nt engrave,1st mistake.. 2nd mistake is that they nv engrave date onto my rings.. WTF.. Simple tinks they can't do correctly.. Wow kao a.. Waste money for goin dwn there.. Coz aft that we must take cab to go inside my cousin hse.. Btw i hav found out that dear ytday nv went in to msn reason is he go drink till fucking drunk.. Haiz,make me wait lik a fool.. Bt anyway is over le,forget it ba.. Dan jus nw i use my hp to sms him askin him y nv log in n where he went to.. Aft he explain he told me he nw at outside eatin wif his frens goin back to hotel soon to chat wif me.. He sms me at 1:36am,and nw is 3:18am.. He eat supper can eat so long de ar and tellin me he goin back soon.. I dun tink i wanna wait le,coz i damn tired.. Tis few days nv hav a gd slp and somemore tomoro i meetin qui ling.. So i gonna slp early.. That's all i'm sayin.. (O_0)

2008-07-09T12:09:00.000-07:00

Today seems to be a long day for me.. Actually i'm goin out to collect my stuff bt nv go due to my uncle is tired.. So i jus stay at my cousin hse n bake cookie.. The unexpected thing is that the cookie that i bake overall is nt bad.. haha.. At least it cheers me up alittle.. After baking feelin damn tired.. Haiz.. Waited for dear to go in msn and talk to me.. But right now is 3:11am, i still nv saw him inside.. Dunno wat's he doin, or did he fall asleep.. Feel lik talkin 2 him.. But i abit tired le, so i dun tink i'm waiting any longer.. Mayb wil wait til ard 4am lik that, if he is stil nt inside i will jus leave.. Haiz.. Feelin so disappointed n sian today.. Actually i thought i can go collect my stuff today, but ' tio duan '.. Fucking sian lor.. But what's make me happy de is dear say that he wil giv mi $3 everyday.. Dan i jus save the money and buy some suff for myself.. He say it during 08.07.2008 ( tuesday morning ).. Actually i did talk to dear in msn during evening time.. I talk to gui yi on msn too.. So long nv see her le.. me Meeting her n Qui ling during tis cumin fri.. We goin to chanel private sales.. They only allow invited ppl to go in.. Seems quite high class.. Haha.. I'm wondering what will i buy.. That's all i wanna say.. Me real damn tired le.. Gonna slp soon.. (@_@)

2008-07-08T15:52:00.000-07:00

Now is wednesday early in the morning nearly 7am.. Forgetting to write on Tuesday,so i'm writting it now.. Haha.. I am very happy now cause that i can collect my pendent n rings today.. Haiz.. Ytday alots of things happen.. Right now i'm in my cousin hse at lim chu kang.. Feeling so boring staying dwn here.. Coz no ppl pei me talk or play.. Actually my sis is coming over on tuesday,but due to quarrling with my cousin mum so she didn't come.. Haiz.. they quarrel over a small issue of thing.. I jus dun understand why those adult jus can't play ard.. They always make things till veri 'jia la' dan they will feel happy over it.. Sian.. Another day has passed.. Right nw i jus feel that i can't waste anymore time doin nth.. Coz every1 seems to let me think that i seems useless.. It's nt yet the time for me to prove myself.. Haha.. Faster go start my study life again.. Mayb that's the best choice.. Ok.. That's all i gonna say for today.. (@_@) Feeling damn tired now.. Gonna go take some rest le..

2008-07-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

Today whole day at ah ying's hse.. Haiz.. Later dear is going to other country again.. Sian.. Dunno y suddenly miss dear alot.. Inside my heart feel so empty right now.. Dunno wat to do.. Haiz.. Hopin time fly faster so dear will come back soon.. Dear today tio 'samon' at lim chu kang.. $50 fly away le.. Haiz.. feel lik as if i'm the 1 who hai till dear tio de.. Me feel so bad now.. Dear ar dear.. I'm wondering while u r away do u miss me de mah?. Anyway if i dun tink so much mayb i wun feel so sad.. Haiz.. That's all i can say for today.. (!_!) Sob Sob..

2008-07-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Today me,dear,ah b n ying went to P.S n far east.. We went to P.s to buy things 1st before goin to far east.. Dear bought me a pair of ring and a heart pendent,that can put 2 pictures into it de.. The total is $120.. For that pair of ring it cost $78, while the pendent cost $27.. And the lasering of names or date cost $5 each for an item.. Haiz.. Actually dear today nearly tio 4d de 2nd prize.. It jus miss by 1 number.. So sad.. $64k jus slide away.. Hopefully he will tio 1st prize next week.. Or tio the $1.5million de toto, during tis coming mon.. haha.. Or ah mah,mum,sis,cousin or me tio oso can.. I oso happy.. Btw realy thx dear for buying those tinks for me.. realy happy de lor.. But me can only collect the ring during 09.06.08 at chua chu kang.. Hoping that day will come soon dan i can upload pic of thoe tinks in here to let u guys see.. (^_^)

2008-07-05T13:30:00.000-07:00

Today me went to chinatown with cindy,sam n her parents to see the taiwan trip price.. Me,cin n sam get down there by dear's de car.. Haiz.. Overall for checking the price is not having any gd outcome.. Coz the tickets is damn ex.. Hopefully that next week the jetstar will have better promo.. After a long day of checking the price,around 10pm dan we have our dinner.. Damn hungry lor.. Miss the ' Yong Dao Fu ' at chinatown.. But didn't get to eat.. Coz when we reach there it closed liao.. Sian.. Anyway i have a great day outside today.. Hoping to go taiwan soon..

2008-07-04T01:45:00.000-07:00

Today is friday... now is 5pm sharp... haiz.. took alot of time to uploads all the picture,finally finish it.. me really enjoy the trip to tiomah... althought the resting place for us is not good, but still happily enjoy the trip.. hoping there will be another chance to go this kind of place to relax... the sunset is damn nice lor... hoping there will b a chance that dear and me taking a walk in the beach and enjoy the sunset together.. haha.. (*_*) overall i know a few more frens of dear... haiz.. dunno wat to write le.. hehe.. =p will updATE things again soon..

2008-07-04T01:15:00.000-07:00

another picture of sunset...

beautiful sunset..

a huge stone that will never fall...

i wonder how does this stones created?..

it's a place that can only use "heaven on earth" to descripe it..

this is a more clear pic of the fishes in the water..

alot of fishes on top of the water.. u can see how clear the water are..

this picture is damn nice.. it's seem lik the clouds is just on top of the mountain..

happy time seems to passby so soon...

2008-07-04T00:47:00.000-07:00

on our way to the diving spots..

beatiful resort in tiomah.. too bad that it's not for renting out..

path to the jetty...

scenery pic taken in tiomah..

ah her and his wife angel...

group picture of :- ah her, ah kai, dear and xiao long...

another group pic of em before diving...

all open water divers...

dear and ah kai...

2008-07-04T00:34:00.001-07:00

dear and his frens...

alots of divers...

dear having a great time in the water... (*_^)

2008-07-04T00:15:00.000-07:00

dear having great time in the water..

dear dear...

back view of him...

2008-07-04T00:13:00.000-07:00

dear enjoying himself... wahaha...

2008-07-04T00:07:00.000-07:00

dear carrying a damn heavy oxygen tank... (o_o)

2008-07-03T22:48:00.000-07:00

dear with full diving equiment... ready to dive..

2008-07-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

dear wearing diving suit, getting ready to dive...

2008-07-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

happiest moment during that trip.. (^_^)

2008-07-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

both of us showing weird face.. due to the strong sun light.. haha.. =p

taken before dear went for diving...

2008-07-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

me and dear dear taken during 28.06.2008...

taken during tiomah trip...

me and dear.. taken during on our ways to tiomah..

2008-06-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

the guys pic,from zhong wei.

2008-06-26T20:34:00.000-07:00

me and dear pic. taken during you geng

2008-06-26T18:57:00.000-07:00

zhONg WEi lIOn DancE You GenG ViDeO

2008-06-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

you keng during 15.06.2008.

zhong wei's very 1st you keng trip.

2008-06-17T02:34:00.000-07:00

me and dear at zhong wei de you geng

the guys from zhong wei...zhong wei ti yu guan (^_^)

2007-11-12T10:32:00.000-08:00

2007-11-10T13:32:00.000-08:00

Today is a meaningful day for me. Coz i went to quite alot of places in the afternoon. I go around those parks and farms at Lim Chu Kang. Then in the late evening i went back to my cousin house to have my dinner. After that we slack awhile then go to Farmart to catch prawn. I feel so disappointed,coz i never catch any of it. Instead my cousin who is 1st time catching prawn de caught 1 prawn. So damn lucky. Haiz. I miss those time at jurong that side de prawn farm. But too bad it's being close down le. Hopefully it will open back. hehe. Haix. Dear today never give mi a call or msg,even after he wake up. In the end is i call him de. Most of the time i really don't understand what is he thinking about. He's making me so stress over him. But thanks to god that now we very seldom quarrel le,maybe is becoz we seldom meet up le. Just hope that he will take veri good care of himself.

2007-11-06T05:08:00.000-08:00

Today is a sad day for me. During around 3am in the morning something very sad happen to me. I dunno y is this happening. Suddenly i feel that i lost everytink in this world. I feel that i lost all my frens. I seems to lost my direction too. I feel like dying so that i wun feel any more pains from my heart. I keep on feeling that tears keep on wantin to flow out from my eyes,but i keep on forcing myself not to drop any tears. I feel veri xin ku to force myself to dun do those tinks that i can't control de. I oso feel that my heart as if is being stab by thousand or millions of knifes. Blood and tears keep on flowing out of my heart. Seems that im going crazy le. y is all this happening to me. And the worst is that i still have to act as if nth happen infront of every1. I stil hav 2 force myself to smile and not to cry. Wat e f**king hell m i tinking. Damn it. It dun look lik my oldself at all. Last time i wun giv a fu*king damn de. y nw i jus can't let go n b my oldself. I wun b a nice person anymore. Coz gd ppl always die early. Who the fu*k can help mi get out of this problem. Sometime is nt i dun trust ppl. Is em who make me bcum a change person. NONE of the ppl in tis world realy understand mi at al. They jus treat me lik a FOOL and SHIT.They only wanna make use of me. Except some of my family. Y mus i suffer lik tis. Wat exactly hav i done wrong in the past or in my previous life.

diary

2007-10-26T12:17:00.000-07:00

Today is a damn boring day. I recieve a call from the job agency today. They inform mii that the company wants me to go down for an interview. I was damn happy. But i tink of that my cousin is not going to work with mii, i feel veri sian. But no choice, i can't giv up this job bcoz of her. Mayb is realy time for mii to b independent. The 2nd tinks that i'm happy abt de is that my grandma pass mii a b'day present for my 21st b'day de. It's veri different from the past 20yrs of recieving the same "hong bao". Haha. Lolz. So far i hav recieve 2 present for my coming 21st b'day le. Another present is bought by my mum. And that's the 1st b'day present she gav mi for my 20yrs of life. Hope to recieve more big presents. Hehe. I dunno why recently i keep tinkin abt alots of tinks till i can't get to sleep at nite. I tink everyday i roughly sleep for ard last then 8hrs. I feel so tired, but jus can't get to sleep no matter wat. Even i keep on forcin myself to sleep. I feel so sick too. Havin food poisonin for 5days le. Til nw only feel abit better. Jus hope that everytink will turn better for mii soon.